im living in a hidden room, i sing and dance alone with the flow of unstoppable musics. me? find it out yourself!

and please remember, that I'm a dancing flow!

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we are like a pair of curves in different turning point. every features are in contrary, but there will always be that one point of intersection where the curves meet. and no matter how many times they drift apart, they will soon meet again.

but now, I only have to be sure that we've already cut every strings attached to us. every single one and we can't tie it back again like before. we're on our own separate ways until there come that point where our path meets up.

and if today is not the day, I'll just go another day to try my luck and if the wait worth a payback, it's okay to wait forever. back to top?

since June 6, me and my schoolmates are having the last examination in the year. if we pass, we'll be able to continue our study to the 2nd semester. sounds weird? yes. my school adopted SKS system like in college. nonsense. it doesn't work well.

on the last Sunday, I spent the whole day by doing math exercises and in the night, my brain smelled smoky. not literally:)

and tomorrow I'll have biology and history exams. this is not a really good pairing, how can I learn both which has a lot of materials.. poor me. poor my friend too. wish me luck!

but after this hard exams, I'll be a 11st grader! wooohooooooo this would be great because, you know, people says that high-school life is the most beautiful period in life. I wanna try!!!

wanna know what am I listening a lot nowadays?
Craig David - Officially Yours
don't know why but the beat is really cool and I'm really into it.

I'm officially goin' on the record to say I'm in love with you...
I'm officially everything you hoped that I would be, this time I'll say the truth
I'm officially wrong, I know, for letting you go the way I did.
I'm conditionally more than I ever was before...

Label: lagu, saya, sekolah

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all this time, I thought we were meant to be real. I didn't know that we were just playing a game. no, not literally. I'm still wondering, how could I didn't realize that from the first place, I meant nothing to you and we were just friends.

remember about my first broken heart? yeah, that one. my friend told me that he wasn't really into me. I know that beside of me, he was close with his schoolmate as well. that's it. I don't think that he had another affair. apparently, when he was pretty close with me, when I think he tweeted for me, maybe that wasn't all true. some of them maybe for someone else. cos he was close with one of my junior high friend too. wasn't he great? there's an Indonesian quotation saying 'Perkuat di pusat berbanyak di cabang'. and he excellently did that. I can't be shocked more x_x

until now, I'm still keeping those hard feelings of my first broken heart. I'm not going to have a good friendship with him again, and I have someone to replace his position, but I think I still have something left in him. don't misunderstand, I don't wanna be with him. never ever.

I don't know, but recently, I don't feel good of everything. you know, everything just seems so wrong to me. I think I need some time-offs of these monotones. everyday, I get out of my mood. there's nothing could make me really happy since then. there's always something that could make me down. I don't know how to get back to the real me, but I want it so bad. sometimes I think I really need the 'me time' for only me. but I'm not sure it is going to work.

Label: saya, teman-teman

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that song of Keane reminds me of something near by me. me included. well haha yeah, I just think that now and yesterday are totally different since I'm now in highschool and yesterday, I was still in junior high. but that's not only thing I am going to write about. I know, everything changes except the changes itself. I was just don't really care of it, I thought, yes I would change, but it's not going to be a big change. I'd be like this in the next 2 years, 4 years, 10 years, but no, that's kinda thought of a little kid. Now I know, different surrounding could effect someone nearly a whole life.

I'm now a highschooler, in somewhere people think is the best place to get their kid in. yes it is, its output achievement is the best until now. I wanna be one of them, continue the myth of my school that studying there would directly bring you to the university you want to be in. yeah, I'm on my way to it. but no offense, I never in the mood to study. I'd love to play play play and play. isn't it normal to a teenager like me? IT IS!!!!

last year, I was addicted to something that, I can't deny, like a half of my life, Korean things. no, I'm not saying that I regret it (well although I can hear a voice in my head saying that I am), but I found out why some people thought I was insane. because yes I was! thank God I'm not addicted anymore. I still like it, some songs still can bring a whole lot memories, but I'm just not really into it.

since I loved K-Things, I was focused in it, I didn't care what has happened in my real life, literally, I forgot that I had some life to walk on. that was a pity. in high school, thanks for them who made me realize that my real life is here. I have a crush at a real boy (not literally, since I used to have a crush at Korean artists), play at somewhere a teenager used to play, wear clothes that a teenager used to wear, and another list of a-teenager-used-to.

and in high school, sad to say, I had my first broken heart things. Haha, I feel fool since that someone who broke my heart was an old friend of mine, my junior high friend. let's just call him X. we used to be close since I was in 8th grade. since the first time he moved to my school. but I didn't really pay attention to him, because I was with another someone. I don't know whether he knew it or not since he kept texting me and I replied.

in the 9th grade, we got closer, but no, he never told me that he liked me. so I never got concerned to it as well. who cares? I enjoyed that period of time where we was, um, actually, playing behind my bf's back. but then, some day, there was an unknown number texted me, asking whether I was dating someone or not. I told him the truth, yes I was. he finally replied, I should have waited for a moment, that I could get someone better than my bf.

several days after that, my friend told me that it was a friend of X, talked about X. I felt... sorry. after that day, X's texts decrease, until finally we can say, he never. X told my friend, Anya, he liked me. well that's just a junior high complication.

time goes by, I got to senior high. he moved to the other town, not really far from mine. but we never got to a conversation again, that was why I didn't really care. I had broken up with my junior high bf. one day, in a, we can say, accidentally happened, we talk in a chat window, talking about everything we had lost since 9th grade. don't you think, I was single, he was too, why dont we both continue what was never happened?

I thought so, and I thought he was too. since then, he started to text me again. for nearly a month, from november to december 2010, we were close. I captured every moment he made me melt in my bb. you know, that captures could make me like, um, fly?

he called me, SY (initial, but I tell you, its not 'sayang', its something sweeter than that) in his texts, and tweeted, "I think I've got my SY! :p". who the hell on this earth would ever think that it was not for her?! I thought it was for me! I started to think, it's going to be serious, he seemed serious too. I didn't know that he was just playing a game. game should be fun, but I don't think so. it wasn't fun at all.

on the beginning of december, he told me that he'd like to spend a whole day with me if he come to my town. I said yes, of course. what could I say? I was soooo happy like crazy. and 2 days before my birthday, which is December 10th, he texted me, told me that he'd come to town at friday, december 10th. THIS WAS A SUPER SURPRISE. he didn't say anything about my birthday, he just promised that he'd come.

at the day, in the morning, he texted me, saying "Happy Birthday Dyah Putri Puspitasari, all the best for you :)". he was the first! what a blast. when I was on my way to school, I replied his text. just in a second, he called! but unfortunately, I was out of signal, I couldn't hear what he said. I told him to call again at 11. omfg, don't you think he was going to confess something? I did!

when the school was over, I got my bb and look if there was a text or missedcall or smthg like that from him. and yes, I got 3 texts and 1 missed call. but those 3 texts said that he couldn't come today because his mother wouldn't allow him to. Damn it. but before I reply his text, he texted me again, saying that he'd come. I thought, hehe, thank God.

I ignored my friends, I went home earlier than usual, I want everything to be perfect when he come. he told me that he'd pick me up at 5, and asked me to go watch a movie. you know, I was like, arrrr damn I was in love with him!! we kept texting each other by waiting the time. at 4.30, dunno why, I got a bad feeling, it was raining outside and it was too late for us to go out. I texted him, telling that it was raining in my town. he told me he had known, and asked me to be calm, because if it wasn't possible for us to go out, it'd be okay for him if he just go to my house and talk with me there.

it was already 6 and he was still on his way. I was afraid that that day would be a mess. and... that was a mess indeed. at 8, he hadn't came yet, I asked him, wasn't it better if we go out tomorrow. he said sorry and answered yes. I knew he was sorry, but it couldn't heal my disappointment.

the next day, december 11st, i went to school to learn physics. he picked me up at school, in front of my classmates. everyone knew that he was a close friend of mine. more than close. we went to a mall, had lunch, watched movie, and eye shopping from a shop to another one. he said, "I come here to celebrate your birthday, could you please make this a present from me?" I said yes by smiling.

he got me to my house at 4, we talked infront of my house several minutes and finally, that day was over. he said goodbye. he didn't confess anything.

since then, I was the one who started a conversation. he never texted me first. 3 days after that fckn day, he dated a girl, his school mate. well, you can imagine how I would act over that.

that was my first broken heart in my whole life. i finally know how a broken heart feels like. and no, I don't want to feel that again. since then, I can't have a crush at anyone. I cried for some months, still can't forget about that damn broken heart things. I regret everything has happened to us. I wish I never met him.

But thank God, I've found someone to heal that wound. A :)

Label: experience, saya, sekolah

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well you, Mr. H. I've been crazy over you for this whole week because a lil unpredictable incident that I think was...... common. I'm losing mind because of you, but everything seems so hopeless. know you isnt a bad thing, but love you is no more than wasting every worthy times I had by think about 'will you send me a msg again?' or 'what he's doing now?' or 'does he has a crush?' and other foolish thoughts.

I do waiting for a feedback acts from you but tonight, because of a certain thing, I know you won't. thankyou. I wish you were not you. not the one that I met.

Label: confession, saya, sekolah, teman-teman, wishes

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